I Miss You, But I Refuse To Text You

Thoughts of you cross my mind, a little too frequently lately. I thought I moved on and got over you, but I guess my mind was just burnt out from you and needed a break.

But youre back and so are the urges you call you up and tell you I miss you. I want to let you know youre on my mind and I want to give it a shot again, but I wont.

I wont because Im stronger than that.

Ive lived without you and I know I can continue to do it. As much as I might want you, I surely dont need you and since Im being honest, I think its just the loneliness creeping it.

Its the lonely nights when I lay awake in my queen sized bed with your half-open and arms spread out wide hugging a pillow that make me wish it was you instead. Its the thunder that wakes me in the middle of the night and the rain pinging off the rooftop that wishes I could kiss your forehead. Its the extra coffee left in the pot that used to have your name written all over it.

Its the things I got used to that I miss, but only when Im lonely.

Only when the winter falls and its cold in the house and youre not there to keep me warm.

I miss you, but not enough to give into you, not enough to have you become a real part of my life again.

The truth is I think we make the memories out to be better than they were because we use those to cushion the blow, to make up still hang on to something thats long gone in hopes that we wont feel so alone. We cling to those old memories so we remember how good it feels to be loved and to try to stop our mind from thinking we are so alone.

I know I can live without you because when you left I kept breathing, I kept living and kept going on with my day-to-day life. Im not saying it didnt hurt like hell and that it was easy because the pain of you leaving was excruciating.

But I did it Im surviving without you.

As much as I miss you when the fire is roaring and Im on the couch alone, I refuse to let the loneliness inside my heart take over and text you because I know nothing good will come out of it.

I know I will be doing nothing but adding to the self-inflicting pain Im already causing. I know the next day I will still wake up alone and you will still be gone. I know that theres no fixing where we left off. So, Ill hug my pillow, Ill find peace in the rain and Ill pour the extra coffee down the drain, but I wont text you.

I wont text you because Im getting stronger without you. And as much as I might think I miss you I surely dont need you, so Ill keep the silence growing and continue to move on with my life.

Read more: http://thoughtcatalog.com/becca-martin/2016/12/i-miss-you-but-i-refuse-to-text-you-2/