Some movies are so amazing that their greatness can’t be contained on a simple movie screen. It’s why the Wizarding World Of Harry Potter is a multi-billion-dollar venture and Disney continues to insert employees into permanently smiling horror-beasts. But not every tie-in attraction can be a runaway success — or attract throngs of rabid superfans who will trash your property (see: Breaking Bad) — especially these ones.
#6. The Thrills Of Indiana Jones … As A Bed-And-Breakfast
There are an endless number of things an Indy-themed attraction could involve — rolling boulders, snake pits, or melting Nazis come to mind. And the Indiana Jones Bed & Breakfast provides none of them. It’s just got beds. Also breakfast.
Indy presumably enjoyed breakfast in several unfilmed scenes.
Admittedly, this isn’t just any house; it was featured in Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade, where you’ll recall it as the least memorable location in the film. Venice, Nazi castles, a city carved into a cliff, and this:
Petra this ain’t.
It gets maybe 20 seconds of film time, during which it communicates all the glamour you might expect to find in any old house. Glamour it carries to this day.
Walls. A VCR. Sconces even!
There’s really not much Indiana Jones in it at all. The room names are cute (The Cortez and Coronado rooms sound interesting; the Holy Grail room sounds better), and there are a few other plausibly Indy-related thingamabobs strewn about the house as well. But, honestly, if you’ve ever been camping or ever met a German person, you’ve probably had a more authentic Indiana Jones experience than this.
Twist: All the whips could be S&M-related.
#5. The Twilight Tour That Doesn’t Show Anything From Twilight
Despite the best efforts of internet snark-merchants, Twilight ended up being a pretty big deal. The books and the movies were incredibly popular, which has inspired throngs of fans to descend on the small town of Forks, Washington, where the franchise was set, to meet their own ancient, powerfully sexual vampires.
As a result, the town of 3,500 has slapped a thick coat of Twilight on everything in it. “Twilight” now clings to the name of many of the town’s establishments, to help remind everyone why they’re there. You know. Just in case someone drove to Forks, Washington, by accident.
This was definitely worth looking at damp trees for 12 straight days of driving.
There are Twilight-themed coffee shops, and mailboxes, and quilts, and while that certainly is an impressive collection of Twilight, uh, physical matter, it’s lacking something, isn’t it? Like authenticity. Where are the actual shooting locations?
Well, there aren’t any. Because it turns out none of the movies were actually shot in Forks. Which means the Twilight tour must be at least a little disappointing. Although the tour guides are up front about it, at least a few fans have realized sadly that the only thing this place has in common with the Twilight franchise is a name and a preponderance of pale teenagers. The tour apparently consists of places in town that, shrug, might have been places from the books. (“There’s a house! It might have been Bella’s house!”) Evidently, the only thing there that looks remotely like something from the movie is a replica of Bella’s pick-up truck, and you’d better believe the town knows this. This is from the Forks chamber of commerce’s website:
The sparkling is from magic, not a cheap GIF, for those asking.
#4. The Zombie Museum That Will Not Die
The Living Dead Museum has seen better days. It was originally located in Pennsylvania’s Monroeville Mall, which is a fantastic place for a zombie museum, being the shooting location of George Romero’s 1978 zombie classic Dawn Of The Dead. Sadly, though, it was forced to relocate after the mall succumbed to the bloodthirsty menace known as gentrification.
That said, it does look nice with all the blood and limbs cleaned up.
The museum is now housed in Evans City, a small town an hour away. This was, admittedly, the place where Night Of The Living Dead was filmed. But that was a substantially less iconic location, and, well, it kind of shows.
That’s the museum there next to the Subway.
Inside, it’s not that bad. It’s got photos, and posters, and a bunch of creepy mannequins, as you’d hope. It’s also got a wall covered in bloody hand prints for some reason.
Kind of puts us in the mood for Subway, actually.
But like every museum in the world ever, the real point here seems to be the gift shop, which is where it gets a little sad. Remember that mall the museum got kicked out of? Well they’re selling tiny pieces of the J.C. Penney escalator. Which seems a little clingy. The mall’s just not that into you, dude. Let it go. (Follow-up reaction: Also, what the hell is anyone going to do with a piece of an escalator?)
“If you have a better way to repair my escalator, I’d like to hear it.”